Today I was driving home from Minneapolis and I couldn’t really share the driving because of injuring my neck by turning it yesterday (yup new discoveries on fragileness).   The learning through this for me had to do with a new perspective on gratefulness and enjoying life even in really excruciating pain (I couldn’t move it without it hurting, in fact could barely move anything without sending shoots of pain down my neck and back).  But I was in Minneapolis!  I had to enjoy myself and I did, thanks to some great friends.

Anyways, I dropped Matt off in Arnaud and said I’d be fine driving back to Winnipeg, which I was… while on the highway I even talked to Mel a bit on the phone – she asked me to pray because before we go on our inner-city kids camps we always feel the days before really bad about it, like anxious and not wanting to go – ish.  So I prayed for her on the phone and after words just felt a nice breath of the Spirit and was praying.  Well… about 5 minutes later I was trying to make a lane change to get on the off ramp, and having been driving in the US, was expecting to be let in, and not being able to shoulder check completely with the neck thing, I started turning only to see in my peripheral that this person was having none of it, so I jerked back, still looking that way and bounced on the cement 3 foot medium in the middle.  I heard stuff falling as I had smashed into it and having bounced off significantly, I assessed the situation.  I was fine, but that was close sooo a nice word came out of my mouth, and I started to start crying because I knew the car must be damaged.  But then… the gratefulness came in.  Everything was alright.  I didn’t hit another car, I wasn’t even in pain and I was safe to continue home.  I prayed that the car would be fine.  I trusted it would all be alright.  When I got home – I ALMOST in disbelief assessed every part of my car that could have been damaged.  I thought “  I would be so blessed if it was just a slightly scratched or the headlight broken.”  But nothing.   It’s time to get the wheels rotated anyways, and mechanic told me the car is A-ok.

I was reading in Exodus yesterday about how God sent these angels along with the Israelites and told them about them so they wouldn’t worry, be concerned or afraid.  And I just marvelled at the coolness of that and the promise in it.   Now more than before, I think how wonderful that is… how blessed we are and how GOOD He is.

I have a wonderful support of people here, and I have to mention my girls who I’ve been meeting with to share hearts and prayers for four years.  We all met at LBE and God has connected us in so many ways.  Even now He seems to be speaking the same things to us.  I sent out an email, I would say a distress email to them the other day, and received confirmation that what I learned at G42 is not unique to G42, but that He is teaching it to others as well.  Listen to this:

“I too have been struggling with my desires versus what makes sense.  I really feel like I want to quit teaching, but that really makes no sense. It’s a good job, many people are looking for permanent, full time positions and teaching supposedly gets easier as the years go on.  But something inside me rebels against the thought.  It’s like something inside me says that I was made for more than this.  So I don’t just want to go with feeling on this; I’ve been asking for guidance on several fronts through 1) Godly counsellors, 2) Scripture, 3) Circumstances.  So the Scripture the Lord has given me is in Genesis 12 where the Lord calls Abraham out of Ur and sets him on a course to enter into the Promise land.  Also, Psalm 45 which is about a bride forgetting her father’s house to enter into a relationship with the King.  And i’m constantly being confronted with the two words “Enter in.”  It’s like He’s inviting me into something.  The first thing I think I have learned from this process is that perhaps not all of my desires are bad.  as I press into Him, He has been changing my mind and my heart so not every desire is evil or sin.  So I don’t think the desire to leave teaching is evil or sinful, in fact, I think He is creating a restlessness within me to prepare me for the next step on the journey.  However, I need to be wise too.  I want the next step to be very clear.”

Psalm 45 has come to me time and time again as well.  It’s hopeful, it’s a little frightening and I just have to say I am thrilled to have this friend here who can share this journey with me.  And more than just one too!  He is good!

Hopefully this works for people to read… It’s the vision project we’ve been working on these past few weeks.

My reason for writing this blog is not really to give any answers… because I think that people (a lot smarter than me) have said theories, argued for hours and really… we (meaning us in the world) are generally not satisfied.  I write this blog, honestly knowing that it is ideas from my frame of reference (and some from those at the school) and it is really more of a processing thing.

Did God create Evil?

Verses used in the bible which suggest yes:

Lamentations 3:38 Amos 3:6; Isaiah 45:5-7- states there is no one OTHER than God who could create these things, therefore everything that comes, light and darkness well-being and calamity originate in him.

All of us seemed to agree on one thing that “Evil is a choice.”  I see this as not only is it a choice in the life of a human.  Evil was birthed into this world through the choice obviously given to Lucifer and the angels who rebelled and given to Adam and Eve in the garden.  I see that God created this choice and this is where I got to be on the “God created Evil side”  however, it felt like a lot of our disagreement became an issue of semantics while we were arguing it and felt like we were going in circles at times.  More questions arose in me that needed to be defined such as: ” is creating the POTENTIAL for something the same thing as CREATING IT”.

The question it leads us to is that if God is both All Powerful and All Knowing, was evil an intentional part of creation and was it always planned.  If so… was it really a choice?  This question is thanks to my good friend Andrew Wark… thanks guy, my head spins a lot with this one.   I agree with Andrew that God choosing NOT to know or somehow not being the creator of ALL things and having evil as just existing or being the opposite of good just doesn’t seem to fly with what we know and what the bible says about God being All Powerful and All Knowing.  So then the question because WHY did God create evil?

Of course the comment came up that God always had the goal of Christ, the redemption, the beauty, the love, the glory that everything in Christ brings.  Evil allows us to comprehend good, sin gives us the ability to comprehend forgiveness and love.  Yeah, I knew that wouldn’t satisfy Andrew either and I guess it hasn’t quite satisfied me.  To create evil for the purpose of love doesn’t make sense not when you read about the wars, horrors, babies dying and people starving.  It is too hard to imagine them as being allowed for the purpose of love.  But anyways, there are some biblical verses that suggest that Christ was slain and his purpose known from the beginning of the world.  Revelations 13:8 for one, although reading that just opens a can about predestination which probably needs to be discussed anyways when the question of God’s love, all-knowingness and all-powerfulness are pitted against each other.  So right now that leaves us unsatisfied with pretty much every theological reasoning I’ve ever heard.  So all we can really do is explore a little more:

If one looks at the context of the Lamentations verse, for example 3:32-38- Suggest that though God is all-powerful, the author of good and ill… He does not desire it for men, and that He will correct it.

Isaiah 45 continues to talk about God causing the clouds to “pour down righteousness” and then to “Let the earth open up and salvation bear fruit, And righteousness spring up with it.  I , the Lord, have created it.”   Going further to talk about a piece of pottery questioning the creation of the potter, an unborn child questioning the creation of his or her parents in the midst of their conception and delivery.

Psalm 5:4 is generally used to argue that God did not create evil.  However, it literal states that no evil sojourns with God and he takes no pleasure in it.  I think it is possible that God created his choice for evil and the knowledge that his beloved creation would reject Him and run to it caused Him no pleasure and that He despises it.  I believe that God is good and that most certainly no evil journeys with Him or lives in Him… however, as the creator of all things, I can’t bring myself to say that this must mean it came into existence without his knowledge and without His involvement somehow.

The valid argument was made, that if God made me with the choice for sin, in fact it seems the nature to sin, how can He expect me to follow His ways and turn to Him in repentance?  It isn’t my fault I’m this way.  Good point, don’t know how to answer that.  Just have some insights that struck me on a few things:

Job 40:7-9 says “Now gird up your loins like a man, (suck it up and get over yourself) I will ask you and you instruct Me (gotta love the sarcasm here).  Will you really annul My judgment? Will you condemn Me that you may be justified?  Or do you have an arm like God, And can you thunder with a voice like His?”  God loves Job, but He seems a little tired of Job complaining about the decisions the Creator made.

I guess it comes down to if one chooses to believe that God is All-Knowing and All-Powerful, one has to kind of accept that we are under His watch and under His authority.  To then believe what He says that we can willingly come to Him in faith and be rewarded is a good thing.  To believe that He loves the WORLD is a relief and to trust that He is honest, good and holy – which I believe He is and wants us to understand from His word, from His Son and from His Holy Spirit., are all good in light of a true belief in God.   I guess I have total faith that this is the absolute truth and walking in it has been a struggle, but is increasingly a great joy.

I’ll leave you with a quote from I guess the first day of classes from Andrew Shearman:

“I don’t want Him to be reasonable, nice and to have explained everything to me.  I want Him to be OTHER.  I don’t want it to be easy… I want to have to follow Him for Him to make Me, not the other way around.  Because: HE”S WORTH IT.”   I guess this struck me because if God’s reasoning and ways are the same as my ways why would I follow Him, I could just follow myself.  What would be better about Him?  But He is different, He is “OTHER” and I want a God lik e that- who is worth following.

A vision/desire I have:  To eventually run a treatment foster care home where I work with children with behavioural/emotional issues as well as colaborate with their families with the goal of them being able to live with their families again (where suitable).

The topic of the past week has been “What’s God’s Point?”

1)   God has a point

2)   He is self-existent

3)   He is motivated by LOVE

4)   He is pre-existent (not created)

5)   His is LOVE

6)   Human beings are the only thing that look like Him

Our homework this week has been to address the question of EVIL.  If all these things are true, which we can find biblical basis for all of them… what is EVIL and more importantly… DID GOD CREATE EVIL?  (I will be doing a follow up blog on this- it’s something that has brought up sooo many questions about truth and I am glad to be searching through things even if I’m not sure I’ll come up with definite solutions)

We were studying Genesis 1 a little bit… talking about how when God created he faced three things: EMPTYNESS – DARKNESS – CHAOS ~ out of these things he brought FULLNESS – LIGHT – ORDER.

This movement from a thing of death to a thing of life speaks volumes to our purpose and calling as children of God, followers of Him.  Andrew Shearman related this concept using the example of “lust of the flesh”.  Lust is a hunger, a perceived need that we try to fill, he mentions how inevitable failure is to that need when we try to legalistically ignore it.  So often Christians are perceived as abstainers, people who shut themselves off to things because of religious beliefs.   I know people have looked at me and thought, “naïve” “boring” and really let them think what they will, but I like Andrew’s way of putting it, that we are called to indulgence, not to abstainance.  We conquer sin by living a FULL life, a life full of purpose and full of the Spirit.  (which I know is easier said than understood, but I think the goal is to realize that it’s not simple, but it is attainable).   I think of my life and I realize that I am NOT an indulgent person… here in Spain, everyday having the time (generally), the freedom and the intentional community to be indulgent in Him has made my heart just totally agree with this notion.

Indulge in this:

The #1 Reason I am On the Planet is to BE loved.

It sounds kinda cliché and even maybe a little bit fluffy to me actually… but think about it.  God does not need us to love Him, He does not need us to bring Him glory, He IS glory and He IS love.  Think to how God walked through the garden with Adam in the cool of the day… think of how He provided for every need and made everything so good.  Adam was lonely, God provided, Adam didn’t need to plead and beg either, it just happened while he was asleep.  It’s love, it’s goodness and I think as I’ve been resting in that, I’ve felt a huge weight off my shoulders.  When I mess up and fail God which I do often and really just felt like a total failure spiritually which has happened a lot in the last year… His love is still why I am here.  I’m trying to think how many times I have been told that and why I am seeming only to really be resting in it now after an 24 year journey.   Well… I’m glad I’m here.

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I feel like I should take this free time I have this lovely Saturday evening to explain a little about what I’m doing here.  Basically Monday to Thursday are classes during the day.  Different speakers will come in each week basically equipping us to go out and do whatever ministry the Lord has placed on our heart.  Thursday afternoons are supposed to include a practicum component basically where each of us (21 of us in total, 11 in the Villa and 10 at San Sabastien house) starts a ministry, or finds one to hook into and continue developing.  It looks like I am working on a few different options.  One is spending some time at a hospital with a few other girls who feel called to work with children.   Another is working with a girl here from Brazil who wants to start a little youth group for young teens in the area, mostly from South America.  And one that I have found is starting something with the social services office here.  They have a program called Banco de Tiempo (time bank) which is very community development oriented and considering I did my social work practicum in community development I think might be a good place for me to use my skills.  The other thing that excites me about this program is the ability to practice spanish )!!!  as well as the fact that there is no church in Mijas and G42 is on its way to starting one for the community, but obviously in order to do so they/we will need to get to know the community.  If we can get involved in this time bank thing, I think it would be an excellent way of meeting people.  Thats the schoolish aspect of it… the rest is living as a community.  11 people in one house, from outside the house I would think it impossible… we’ve got a married couple, 6 girls and 2 guys in our house.  I love it!  We eat together, clean together and well we’re just together a lot of the time and of course there is always someone from San Sabastein house over too.  When I felt super sick last night… Steph was right there in my room so I didn’t even have to get out of bed to ask for prayer!  (by the way please pray for my health to be guarded, I’m uninsured here since I didn’t plan on being here this long).  It’s different being in community like this, but so far it has been really smooth.  I am in the more relaxed house, it is generally quieter which is really a relief considering my trouble sleeping.    I feel like I’m starting to ramble, so that’s all for now, thanks for listening!

Well… here I am sitting outside my window in Villa Ana Maria in Mijas Pueblo, Spain.  The left picture is the view on a stormy day close to Christmas.  The right picture is of some of the caves we visited in the mountains.  We had a bit of a cold and rainy spell and the sun came out after class this morning and it is beautiful.  Steph, my roommate and I probably have the best view in the villa and a little platform outside our window to sit and read on or lie down and take a nap which has been done on more than one occasion.

The past week has been some orientation and introduction.  Andrew Shearman, who is one of the founders/leaders of the school and his daughter and son in law David and Rebecca Hearn have been speaking with us and sharing.

We are in agreement at the school that God is active in our lives speaking to us.  Everyone here trusts that we have heard the voice of God in our hearts – some have heard him audibly, but I am not one of those.  We are in agreement that listening to a voice in our heart and spirit is a dangerous thing… that it requires faith, that would could be wrong… that we could mess up.  However, we have also responded to these nudges, thoughts that just seem right, and have learned that it was His Spirit and that the risk was worth it.  I know I can name a few foundational times in my life that I responded to a call from God that made no sense… I don’t know where I would be had I not listened to that.  The first one would definitely be, if I’m going to lay it all out, breaking up with a high school boyfriend.  If I had shut my ears to the voice of God in that situation… well I don’t know what would have been, all I know is that it was God and it was GOOD.  Everytime I take a risk, big or small, out of wanting and being prepared to act in obedience to God, I usually come out with a better ear, a better heart for that voice.  It’s wierd trying to explain this, now I know how Andrew feels trying to explain it to us… however, at the same time everyone seems to get it, to understand and agree with it.

The voice of God… it’s so biblical, yet so hard to grasp.  Always talked about in Isaiah, Jesus refers to it… if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts… DO NOT HARDEN YOUR HEARTS.  I think that for me means, if you hear his voice… DON’T LET DOUBT QUENCH THE SPIRIT AND IGNORE IT.   I think that’s a good definition of a hardened heart.

Anyways, I actually wanted to write this blog to share a story from Andrew’s life that has had me most encouraged and desiring for more of God.  He wasn’t even going to share it initially, one of the other interns had heard it and asked him to share it.  Andrew had been on a plane, and I believe he said he was coming out of a season of rest and intimacy with God.  He sat next to a man who a few minutes later asked him :  “What is that?”  Andrew didn’t know what that meant so said “Excuse me?” -  “What is that?  Something’s coming off you” – “Excuse me?”  again.  The man says something like, “the hair on the back of my neck is sticking up and it’s you… something’s coming off you”  Well… I can’t really tell the rest of the story as well as Andrew can, since it is his story, but he ends up realizing that it was Christ, the Holy Spirit in him that this man was physically feeling and obviously he explains it to him.  The normal, average business man next to him was in tears after awhile and ending up requesting to have what Andrew had… the random stranger is now a believer in our beautiful Christ and it all happened on an airplane.

All I could think of to that was… yeah… I want that too.  Not because it’s just a cool and awesome story, but because a hurting and lost and hopeless soul, maybe he was someone who didn’t even know that he was those things, it doesn’t matter.  This soul found love, found purpose and found HOPE, because someone had a hunger and had the discipline to be in the presence, to risk his live, to give his life to the Living God.  I want that.  I have faith for that.  I am going to give my life for that.